For Life.

The initial intention was to lay low, not make much noise, keep everything to myself and may be share some of my darkest inhibitions. I had friends on almost every social media. I am sorry, let me rephrase. There were people who knew me, mostly because I was that annoying guy abruptly invading their online space. I am an introvert by heart. I don’t mingle with people. As a matter of fact, God forbid, if I were caught by Police or I suddenly get into an extreme case of emergency, I have no one to call to. This is bad. This is very bad. Well, let’s some I don’t get to that phase. I know what you are thinking. I need to change my thinking. I need to get some friends on which I can count on. Well, if only I had that mind of yours, I would be at the top of the world, wait, that’s too cold up there, but somewhere top.

I started off writing my blog mid of last year. I had a lot of things that I wanted to write about. I had letters that I used to write almost every single day. Most of the letters were just curses to the one and only supreme entity, because clearly I had…have issues. So, I tried to get down and all dirty. I did write a couple of posts and published, which were kind of very personal and horrible in all ways possible. Horrible, in the sense of if we are talking about it with the perspective of Life and where I stand. It was horrible letters. I had hoped that I will continue writing, but then I lost the enthusiasm of copying my slowly turning pale pages onto my blog. So, I decided to stick to normal routine of writing and probably meet some people from different wakes of life. I started following and reading quite a few people. I used to comment and always had the last comment even if the comment was blank, because people do get pissed off of a sticky guy poking too much. It didn’t seem to work either. It was then I decided to quit all this. But then I came across one profile where the author wanted to become penpals, which was my idea in the first place. So, like the weird guy I was, I poked the bear. I got the reply. So, that was the first person I met, who despite knowing did me a great favor. I was this close to giving up on the blog, but then the writer’s reply did what CPR does to a dying person. It revived my enthusiasm. I have had met some amazing people since then. I would like to dedicate this post in their favor. I am apologizing well in advance for what I am about to tell. I don’t know whether I am considered as a friend by the people who follow, I have always treasured the little conversations that happened. I said treasured because you gave your time for me. And I would never forget that. I am not entirely sure whether I would be qualified to be one among your long list of friends, but you guys definitely are.
Secretive Writer : As the name itself suggest secret, there is no doubt who the person is. The person in, Shhh, it’s a secret, (for a reason). The blogger who unknowningly pulled me out of the drowning sea. I would like to call her a friend, though I haven’t met her or even know her name.
Wandering Violet : The second secretive person, I have come across. But always a great sport. I piss her off a lot occasionally. Ok ok, I piss her off all the time. May be that’s why she ain’t reading my blog. But none the less, a great person. After having met this person (online, without a name), I have realized that it is possible to make friends without knowing each other and not having met either. Having said that perhaps one day I do get to meet this amazing person.
Darshith : I didn’t meet him or know him. I just came across him through his blog. He is kinda busy right now, and perhaps have completely forgotten me. But like I have said, I treasure each and every one.
Sathyaghan : The guy who almost stole my screen name for a post of his. Well, he actually did. But he didn’t steal. He was creative in his own way and happened to come up with something brilliant which matched my screen name. He is also the guy who thinks highly of me. I have tried to explain to him that I suck at writing, but he insists otherwise. I hope you guys agree with me and put some sense into this guy.
Infinity Magic : This person is amazing in her own way. However annoying and whatnot, I had some great time talking over emails. Pen Pals, my friend. Perhaps, not anymore. But we had our moment. May be, we will again.
Whimsical90 : Another amazing person I have met online and have influenced me in quite so many ways. Let me tell about this person a bit. Her being a girl and I being a guy did raise some red flags, because for starters I was anonymous, which is itself a no-no. But she was such a great sport. At one point, she felt that she wasn’t comfortable talking to a complete stranger. Oh and she wasn’t anonymous. So, I felt that as a friend(or may be not)…acquaintance, I should give her the opportunity, or perhaps she has the right to know who I was. But, I didn’t quite think that through or perhaps I overstepped some boundary, which I didn’t realize. My sincere apologies. Anyhow, she had been a great (ahem) friend and hopefully she will be now.
SevenThirtyAM : Some witty comment sparked inquisitive mind of a doctor-to-be to know the person behind the mask. I tried my best to evade the identity disclosure, because that’s what secret agents do. But I gave in. Girls, I tell you, have the power. So, I have pissed this person off like anything. But like always, she is always a great sport.
Aarzoo : I have come across her on the social media, Twitter. I had read her blog earlier, but didn’t get a chance to connect. One thing led to another, somehow and I now have another friend.
Pratishtha : Another sweet person I have come across on the blogosphere, who is currently not responding. May be, not in the friend-list anymore.
Aanchal : She uncle-zoned me, like literally uncle-zoned. I couldn’t believe she did that. I am not that old, for your information. She has nominated me for an challenge and I still haven’t taken it.
There are a lot of people I have come across but I have never got a chance to interact with them on a personal level. No, not very personal. But not other than the blog related posts or comments.
Kritika Vashist,  Roberta Pimentel, Akhila ( who has nominated me for the quote challenge which I still haven’t taken up. Sorry), Muskaan ( who has nominated me for the Liebster Award, which also wasn’t taken up. Sorry). Shambavi31 ( who has nominated me for One lovely award, which also I have’t taken up. Sorry again. I am such a terrible person.), Phoenix09, Honeyvicious, Pratyusha, Soumya MishraAbhijit ( who has given me a Blogger Recognition Award and also who doesn’t even remember me now), Vidisha Kaushik to name a few. And also each and every one who reads my blog, who comments, who reads but doesn’t leave a comment, who liked my posts, who likes my posts but doesn’t read it, who likes my comments on their blog, who replies to my comments on their blog, who likes my comments on their blog but doesn’t reply.
I mean to each and everyone “Happy Friendship Day”.

Caught by the hook.

We feel trapped. We know it, but we won’t admit it. We actually like it somehow. But in the end it swallows us whole. We have known that all along, yet we haven’t done much about it. We didn’t want to. We were hopeful, that may be the tables will turn and everything will be all merry, just like you had imagined in your mind.

We all have crushes and people we love. We are sometimes scared to convey our feelings. So we keep them locked up. But we have that inhibition to show it, express it in any way possible. Eventually a possibility arises where we could do that. A phone call or a text message does that trick. You had been waiting for that text like forever and finally you jump with joy. It says your help is needed. You feel special, you feel wanted, you see yourself as the one saving the world (almost). And that is when we become numb in our minds and nod yes to everything they say. You are the savior, she had been waiting for, you say to yourself. And no matter what, you are ready to do whatever is put forth. Even if was something impossible, it’s a yes from your side. And try your best to make it happen. It is to show that you care, you could do what they ask for. And all you get in return is a thank you (sometimes) and a forgotten help.

The problem with this is under appreciation and taking you for granted. They never liked you as much as you had thought. They just knew you as a guy who could do thing(s) for them. Eventually, you will be forgotten and erased from the memory. But you would never forget that. You will save that text or that voice asking you for help. You will be hopeful, still. That someday they will realize what you had done for them. But what you fail to realize something really important.

And at one point you would snap out that delusion. You will lose all that hope. You will lose that secret admiration you had for them. You lose that hidden feelings you had for them.  But then you could do nothing about it. You are forgotten from their memory. You become nothing. And that deed you did for them, what deed ?