The silence in the voice.
.ᴇ ɴ ɪ ɢ ᴍ ᴀ
I stared at the reflection on the mirror. The eyes were searching for something. Some sort of validation, I suppose, or perhaps some answers, but the more they searched, they never even got any close to what they were searching for. Maybe there were no answers, or perhaps, the answers were lost. But in all honesty the answers were always there, they were just ignored. And beside the discontentment of not having, ignoring the answers, the eyes had something else in them, a sense of disappointment.
I sat down to gather the thoughts, the ones which lay scattered, in a web of jumbled and hazy thoughts, which never seemed to make any sense. While the confusion settled in the abyss of a mind, there was this new uneasy feeling that began to surface. It has always been there and this seems to be resurfacing again which always lead to messier things and breaking the already broken. And the unsettling feeling of what is supposed to be done isn’t being done is just topping the already full glass of water.
As I sat there looking into the eyes, speechless and wondering how to answer the questions that lay in front of them, I didn’t have the answers, I never did. All I thought had was one answer or more like an alternative to all this overflowing glass of water. And that might have seemed irrational, but it was the only way that could put an end to all this. And however irrational that sounded, it was sort of comforting to know that there was something that could be done, even though that didn’t land on the moral side of the scale.
Now, there are a few more eyes trying to leap into my eyes looking for something, anything. The answers that I have always been searching for. And all could see in those eyes was something I had feared never to see. I was as blank to the questions in front of me. How was I supposed to tell that one thing that kept me going was an irrational thought and that was something that could never be said. While I sat there wondering how this irrational thought could be, no, is definitely the answer to all the questions, not the ideal solution but it was the best god damn alternative to everything that seemed to be weighing me down. There came a point when I stopped looking for any better answers because this irrational alternative was the only thing that could answer the unanswered questions while posing a few too many new questions, but that was not something of a concern to me now. Because the aftermath of this irrational thought was an abyss that I could never return from to answer any questions if there were any, which, with a doubt will be there.
However, and in all uncertainty, having finally come down to this one solution, as irrational it might seem like, this abyss that I was seeking as the ultimate solution was the farther away than it seemed. And that it cold solve all the problems seemed like an illusion. Imagine now, while I look at the eyes in the reflection in front of me and realizing that the one answer that could solve all the questions was just another failure and all I could of is screaming at the clueless reflection still staring back at me, lost in a self created abyss.
______
.ᴇ ɴ ɪ ɢ ᴍ ᴀ
My life now… My mind now… Every. Single. Word.
Couldn’t have put in better words, even if I tried more than ten times…
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I am sorry about that.
As glad I am to have some company, I had hoped that there would be no one else going through this.
And thank you! You’re too kind to say that. 🙂
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So do I hope that no one, ever, go through this emptiness and confusion… It’s too painful.
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Yes, it is indeed painful. 😦
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Eyes are the windows to the soul…they reveal the untold stories..Just Soo beautifully expressed by you 💖😊👍🏼
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They are, aren’t they?
Why, thank you. You are too kind to say that. 🙂
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Yeah indeed…!!! You really write beautifully 👍😊
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And you’re too sweet. Thank you once again. 😀
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😄
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😀
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Finally you wrote 😅😊
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I edited an old post which I wrote a million years ago. -_-
But thank you for keeping tabs on me. 🙂
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How could I let go of someone who is such a fan of apple 😉 🙂
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Haha, touche.
Looking forward to a new apple gift from you.
Thanks in advance. 😉 😀
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keep dreaming 🙂
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I will, until you gift.
And thanks once again. You’re so sweet to gift all of them. 😛
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arrehh, aise kaise
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I don’t know. All I know is you’re gifting. Hence, I am thanking you. 😀
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……m running away now……
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Oye hello, pehle gifts do baadme bhago.
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okk, will buy you a apple from bazaar 🙂 🙂
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Oye, you know what you have to get me. From the Apple Imagine Store.
If you want the nearest address to your place, I will get you the details. 😛
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awww khayal dekho nawab ke 😉
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I am just helping you find the right store before you get lost. 😛
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I won’t lose the way coz you are ri8 at the corner 🙂
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Good. Is the Apple store near by, go there asap. 😉
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coming asap
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Good. Get all the money you have. 😛
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Though it’s a bit sad, but I loved reading it again and again..
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I’m sorry about that.
But I’m glad you loved reading it. Thank you so much for that. 😊
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My pleasure
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I had to read it again and again to make sure you were writing about what I think you were writing! From the depths of wherever you are you express yourself really well!!! You have a command over the language.
Keep writing – you may find the answers, one never knows !! 👍
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First of all thank you for reading it again. Really appreciate it.
Did you figure out what I was writing about?
Thank you very much.
I hope to. Yeah, thank you once again. 😁
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And by the way I’m looking forward to a blog party the day your stats go up to 2000 ‘amazing followers’ !! It’s just one short now. 😊
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Why, thank you. 😊
Do let me know where you’d like the party. 😬😁
And is it 2000? Last time I saw it was a little over 1000.
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Trumpets!! Clash of cymbals!! It’s reached 2000! I just checked. It’s PARTY TIME!! 🙂 🙂
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Haha. Thank you for keeping tabs. So where do you want the party?
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Anyplace that has really good creamy kulfi!! 🙂 🙂
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Sounds great.
Where do you stay?
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In the hot deserts of Abu Dhabi . The kulfi would melt. 🙂
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I would suggest that you stay indoors and with AC on. 😬
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That we do anyway !!
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So, I read the comments and I got to know this isn’t a latest post? I am still waiting for that one, by the way.
And as for this post, I think sometimes we look in the wrong places for the answers. I know you are looking at yourself, so did I and never got back a reply but sometimes this is how it goes. Sometimes, the answer is lying somewhere around and sometimes, it’s nowhere to be seen.
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I have written a couple months back and had been procrastinating. Decided to finally get this done with.
True. It happens more often than not. And sometimes even if the answers are right in front of us, we might not see it.
And what if there are no answers anywhere?
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In that case, we focus on other questions instead and with time, when we are ready, we go back and we create our own answer.
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Well, that’s an interesting perception I never thought of. Thank you.
But then again, what if we give up?
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We won’t. We can’t deal with ambiguities. We will definitely have an answer.
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I hope you are right.
I seem to be on the verge of giving up, if I haven’t already. 😦
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You may have given up a lot of times. But that also mean you have tried more than that. Don’t worry, you will be fine. You just have to keep trying and then you can give up as much as you want. You will get there.
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Thank you. 🙂
You are quite optimistic. I hope that I will get there someday.
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I am anything but optimistic. But I guess, it’s easier to wish good for someone than for yourself.
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That’s exactly what I would say.
How can we justify this optimism directed at others, when we don’t seem to have any.
I guess I am asking a lot of questions, so, I wil stop now.
Have a good night. 🙂
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Oh, it’s alright.
What we have for others is not optimism. It’s our faith in them and also we wish all the good things for others while we don’t do it for our own selves because we think they deserve everything we don’t.
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Keep up the good work xx
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Thank you. 🙂
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👏👏 how many visits to Starbucks and cups of coffee took you, to complete it ?
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I think a few too many.
You know you could sponsor sometime, just saying.
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Hahahah. Aren’t free coffees enough for you already? And and, we still have a coffee pending already
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Nah, they aren’t my size. 😛
Yeah, I know. Don’t know when you will give an appointment. Still waiting for the call back for the request I sent a million years ago.
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Hahahah. Sorry for that! This weekend then! 🙈
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Well, okay then.
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Very well. The appointment is fixed.
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Finally.
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This is a wonderful piece of writing.
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Thank You. 🙂
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I so can relate. love this.
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