Never Again

We cross the lines labelled never to cross.
– eɴʏɢma

She had been holding on to it for quite a while. There was a lot going on in her mind. And it was getting frustrating with each passing moment. Even though what has occupied her mind is a beautiful memory yet, she had been feeling about it all this while. It has been two days and she was probably dying to speak to anyone so that she could ease the burden on her shoulders. What could it be which is weighing her down so much in spite of that memory being a beautiful one? She had been feeling bad because of what she had done and it is morally questionable. As if she had thought of the moral quotient or so to speak her integrity.

“I kissed another guy”

She met him online on Twitter. A few words here and a few there, a little flirting and a lot more love (or so it might seem like), a bit of truth and lot of falsity, a bit of infatuation a lot of lust. It seemed mutual, the infatuation..er the lust. The love is still a questionable aspect because both were in a relationship, with someone else. Numbers were exchanged and chats turned to video calls and the rest was history. But all changed one day.

It was the day when he told that he was still in a relationship and that this girl from Twitter was a happy time pass and that this promise of getting intimate was still on the cards because that was what he was looking for. A fling on the side while having a girlfriend. She was devastated with the development that blew up in her face. She wasn’t as faithful as she should be and yet this came as a shock to her. She felt used, she felt betrayed, she felt hurt and in all she felt cheated.

He was blocked from contacting her. She made sure of that. Because she didn’t want to be that person who would be manipulated and used for a casual intimate encounter. But…she used to check him out once in a while. She was intimidated. She was in love, but didn’t want to admit that, to anyone and to herself. Because at the back of her head there was a voice shouting about all the morality of the situation she was putting herself in.

She got a call from him. She was shocked and yet at the same time intrigued that he called her. He was outside her college. She was at loss of words. She was in his car and she had lost herself. Then she kissed. They both kissed. She enjoyed every moment of that. She wanted more of that. But that moral police roaming around with a siren on top had been shouting that this is wrong, that she should stop it, that she should not even encourage it. In spite of all the red tape and X marks she went to his home, in her own accord. The fantasy had to happen. She wanted it to happen. She could have avoided all that because in some distant corner of her mind there was a voice shouting to her to not do any of it, standing over the moral integral line and urging her to not cross that line. She heard that voice, its agitated-frustrated and extremely loud but it faded away when he went all cheesy on her.

She knew that it was wrong but then again her desire to make that fantasy true was more strong. It overpowered her and she didn’t have much choice. Well, she had but she choose to ignore it nonetheless. And then again, it was the best one she ever had. She was beyond happy. She was elated. She enjoyed every bit of it.

It was a day after that she came out from the trance and saw all the moral police with their angry faces. She was supposed to feel guilty, but she didn’t. She was getting frustrated about her inability to feel even a bit of guilt for the things she did. She wanted to share with someone but then again she was scared of driving people away because of the weight of the thing she was about to share.

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She didn’t want something this to happen again, ever. She didn’t want anything like this to happen in the first place. She didn’t want to meet him. She didn’t want to talk to him. She didn’t even want to think about him. She knows how wrong it is, how immoral it is, this being unfaithful to someone else is. And yet she did every single bit of it. But then again, she doesn’t regret what she has done. She will probably (not probably, definitely) do it again all over again. She knows that too that she will. Perhaps, she wants so.

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Let’s take a moment to reflect at the people and their behaviour. Being faithful is an integral part of a person. But then again when they happen to be unfaithful what are the possible reasons for going ahead with it? Does it have to do anything with them being unhappy with the present relationship? Or is it the fun or excitement in crossing that line? Do reflect your opinions about the people being in such situations and crossing the line they know they shouldn’t cross! What’s your take on it? Well let me repharase and be more blunt at this because I am sure people have opinions like always but when it comes to them they evade. So, what would you do? You love someone but you have a desire to be someone else! And you know it is wrong, but you want it very very badly. What would you do?

But let’s just appreciate this quote that blew my mind. What beauty is this? :

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Normal

Celebration is as contagious as a warm smile.
-Enigma

The sun was just bright and  warm while the wind a bit chilly. The soft light dispersed rays danced to a distant hymn. The sound of the bells resonated in the sunlit room. There was a pleasant air that flowed so effortlessly. An array of colored lights played in a not so distant over the boxes covered in shiny wrappers. It seemed like a theme of red, white and green. The air was filled  with an aroma of  delicious food while a houseful of people immersed themselves in prayers, wishes and songs. The children ran all around in excitement waiting eagerly to open their presents. Songs played in the background resonating an ambience of a joyous celebration. The rejuvenating smiles warming the hearts with their pleasantries as the atmosphere turned festive with every passing moment.

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The music was  loud, the sound repeating itself and growing louder with each passing moment. An alarm, perhaps which was clearly not being attended to. The sun tried its’ best to fill the room through the small gap through the curtain, yet it failed to brighten the room. The shadow was the shortest at this time in the bright sunny afternoon, and yet the room radiated a monochromatic ambience. The phone blinked with a few wishes scrolling across the screen, none of which was even read properly. The untidy bed and the dark room lay still in an otherwise bright sunny day. A door opened and the bright sunlight illuminated the alleged cozy room. A distant music made way into the dull somber room. People with bright new dressed happily greeting each other made their presence while the kids ran around with their new gifts. There was laughter, there was happiness and that joy that each one was radiating was extremely contagious. The atmosphere was festive. And then the people settled to sing the jingl… The same door was slammed shut. The  slowly brightening otherwise gloomy room now turned back to reflect the somberness. There was no light again. Just darkness and  a huge void.

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Wishing you a very happy and prosperous new year.
Have a great one, like always.

The Wait

“Not knowing is far worse than knowing what was wrong.”

Have you ever been in a dilemma where you want to say everything , but don’t. Because you are not sure how the person you want to say everything to would react. And that, their reaction is what scares you the most. And this being scared feeling eats you up inside, slowly. Then one moment you sit and write it all down and then again wonder just before finally hitting ‘send’, you don’t . You delete the whole thing because you don’t even want to send it by mistake and later regret, so you delete it completely. But you wonder that it might have turned it all right, if you had just sent that message. Because not knowing is far worse than knowing what was wrong, if there was anything at all. But then again, you feel that this confused state of mind is a much better place to be than making the worse of the two alternatives happen. Maybe everything is all okay. Maybe you are just over thinking. Maybe it is all in your head. You console yourself that everything is just normal.

Then one day, later the same very day, you just can’t handle this confusion that the mind is creating. The dilemma is just taxing on your work and in turn it is affecting you in more ways than you think it isn’t. And you realize that your heart is sinking and that it is being pulled down as if it is getting heavier with each moment that you are contemplating. You feel that it is not strong enough to handle such pressure; the pressure of not-knowing, the pressure of what might, the pressure of what if, the pressure of this dilemma, and everything combined. So, you sit down and search for that previously deleted text. You write it all over again anyway, trying to choose the right words but that taxing of your mind by that pressure just doesn’t let you have a proper train of thought. But somehow you write that heartfelt, or to be precise whatever is weighing you down, and finally send it, after contemplating for a few hours.

You regret immediately for even sending the message. May be it was too short, or may be it was too much, maybe it was inappropriate, but you shouldn’t have sent that in the first place.  You curse yourself for sending. Oh god, what have you done? How can i undo this? Shit! Shit! Shit! You even feel the whole universe seems to say so. You hold your head in your hands for making that mistake. But yet, you wait. You wait for a reply. Each second feels like an hour and each ticking sound of your watch makes you more and more nervous. You are this close to having a nervous breakdown. And then the status change to “Online“. Your heart skips a beat. You start to sweat. The message is now in read state. And you can feel your heart in your mouth. And yet you wait. You wait for a reply. There is none. A few seconds pass away, and yet there is no reply. You wait for more time, perhaps she is writing a lengthy reply. Or maybe it wasn’t well received and this was the end of it. And despite all that’s weighing you down, you cling to that tiny thread of hope. You keep clinging to that thread which seems to be breaking off. But there is no reply, and you find yourself falling down and everything seems to flash in front of your eyes, but you still don’t know what was the thing that you did was wrong and led to this distance. Even during that fall, your mind is making all the scenarios to make sense of all this that left you in splits. You cruse your overthinking stupid brain. And gradually, you die of overthinking and anticipation and all that overwhelming feelings. But, but.. that dilemma still haunts you even after.

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P.S. I haven’t written for a while. It has literally been ages, since I wrote. I haven’t been able to bring myself to write. I have lost that train of thought and what  I earlier thought made it more broken. But I hope to get back to it, as soon as possible. I really apologize for not being able to read any of the blog posts. I really look forward to doing it from now on. 

 

Solitude

The world faded in vibrant shades of people, the commotion increasing with each cheer, a smile here, a hug there, a shout here, a fist bump there.  The crowd got a little more momentum when more people joined the celebration as the music blared in the background. The ground vibrated with the joy of people dancing in their highest spirits. The air was filled with the spirit of what the people shared with each other, the bond that was so unique, pure and selfless; Friendship and Love. There was just happiness floating all around, the warmth that radiated from the heart.

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He stood there amidst the crowd as the people swarmed all around him. The feeling seemed contagious as he too was transpired in the moment and felt part of that celebrating crowd, high in their spirits; happy and content. The stars glittered ever so bright over the dome of endless sky. He loved to see how people enjoyed, and celebrated life. The happy faces were a sight to watch, the feeling shared among them was worth a memory. He didn’t dance like they did, he didn’t have company like they did, he didn’t feel what they felt, but all he did was try to sink that feeling in, something that he never had the pleasure of.

The clouds slowly engulfed the bright specks in the sky as the crowd slowly faded away to their next celebration. As the music played its last beat, the only sound that reverberated was the sound of his breath in an empty field. Of all that had happend that night, he knew this, the feeling that the ground underneath had; empty, he knew it way too well; and the sound, the silence that spread across the vastness, he knew it like he craved for it. And as reality sink in, he walked back to his home, alone, to his solitude.

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Impact Zero

How! How did I derail? How did I do this? What just happened? Why am I writing normal stuff? Why am I being so nice, I mean trying to be nice? What is happening to me? Why am I trying to be normal? Why am I trying to be sensitive to something as bizzare as this? Why!

Disclaimer Not Suitable For Reading, because no one is reading, duh! Don’t pretend you do. I would know if you did. It’s not a super power, but more of a calculated deduction.

Why do you read? Why do we read? Why does anyone read? Because we want to live a world that is a world apart from the one we live in. But mostly, we read to live the world of the person behind the book or even that small write up. It tells us so much, it teaches us, perhaps inspires us a little as well. And in retrospective, it gives us a chance to escape from the charades of life and immerse ourselves in something we can ponder over, and perhaps act as well, mostly how what we are reading drives us. But if you ask me to be frank, I never the same about the textbooks in school when compared to the fiction books I read. I would be glad if you agree as well, but otherwise, going well textbookaholic ( Yes, I create stuff occasionally).

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Now, the more important question is why do you write? The analogy as to why would anyone write differs from person to person and well, to be fair each one has a different reason so as to why would they write. Let me tell you, writing is not easy, or may be it’s just me. Writing is not easy when you think of the elements. The elements range from people’s opinions to our own stigma or are they called our inhibitions? Amidst all, we write not only to express ourselves but it is what frees us, frees up from the charades of life, frees us from ourselves. Ourselves! Interesting, right? Well, yes! Because if you could  observe the broader picture, we are the ones who keep us from writing. We give excuses saying that it is the work, it is the life happening, it is this or that and the most common of them which not surprisingly I use all the time is “Writers Block”.

This brings me to the most important aspect that I wanted to discuss, or if you care to discuss that is : What would make someone read a post? A tacky title? A provoking photo? The few lines under the title, also called as an excerpt, giving a brief about the actual post, or sometimes it’s just the first 50-60 words of the said post. Or is it the name of the writer/blogger, who wrote the post? Because I know a lot of people just don’t read the post. I have come across a wide variety of people (by people I mean bloggers, some of them friends as well), or in general, a majority of whom just don’t read the post. WordPress makes it easy to navigate through the feed of the bloggers one follow. But then again, why don’t people read the post in their Reader feed? Is it the small excerpt that somehow leads to the possible neglect. Neglect is a strong word. I would rather say ‘Like‘ the post without actually reading it. Because reading would basically generate a thought, howsoever is not always favourable most of the time, but that is what the comment section is for – to understand the others point of view.

To give a better picture of what goes in the mind of a writer is a cumulation of a million thoughts, carefully formulated to make a logical sense of the topic at hand, and while at it address the various issues at hand and probably seek help from people reading, or inspire a little, if need be. Or sometimes people just want to be heard and see if others could relate, just to assure themselves that they are just not alone. But I guess that would be asking too much of people.

This brings to the realization that why I am stressing out on so much? Why can’t I just write the stupid stuff that I usually write and be done with it. Because in my time of writing all this while, I have come across people who are not perfect. Perfect!? Such a cliche word. So, let me rephrase : I have come across people who are imperfectly perfect, because we as writers want to be heard, no doubt, but at the same time we also need that shoulder to lean on or just be there, even if one can’t offer a shoulder. I always wanted to be that shoulder or to lend a hand or just be there, listen, or perhaps just read and tell them that “It is going to be alright”.

To the imperfectly-perfect people,
I just want to tell you and assure that I am here for you, anyday, anytime. I am not perfect either. so, bear with me, we will go through the mess together.
– Imperfect being.

And like my title suggests, I want to leave an impact. People usually look for a positive outlook at life, I fail to do so, at every word I write, ever letter I carve. As a matter of fact, I do the exact opposite thing, give the glimpse of the dark side. It is a purview of a person enduring most of it. So, it is also a concern that no one else faces the same darkness, and fight those demons alone. It is just to reassure that I can’t win that battle, but I have seen Spartan, Gladiator and the likes of it. I will leave it at that.

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How! How did I derail? How did I do this? What just happened? Why am I writing normal stuff? Why am I being so nice, I mean trying to be nice? What is happening to me? Why am I trying to be normal? Why am I trying to be sensitive to something as bizzare as this, comments (what now?), people reading my blog(Am I being serious now!) ? Where did all the dark stuff go? Where is my old fried, darkness? Why am I reaching for the light? Why!

–  Enigma

Peace.

How beautiful is the pain!
How ecstatic is the relief!
How free does freedom feel!
How peace is the solace!
How beautiful are the
memories flashing!
How euphoric is the final breath!

Do you smell the shampoo, that you used the last night, a tinge of your hair spray and the cologne you used the other day! Do you feel the vibrations in your vision through your closed eyes, an animated sequence of the Windows 98 screensaver playing in your head. Or perhaps are they your memories brushing by waster than they should!

Do you see the soft satin cloth, elegantly long and neatly folded, calling out to you to open and embrace it, embrace the softness of the cloth! How comfortable would the cloth look around the neck! How much it would bring out the color in the eyes, and let’s not forget the fairness in the face! How beautiful it looks suspended in the air under the ceiling!

How cute are those tiny pleasures? A little too many for one last ride and it gives you the euphoria that you had never even expected ever. Do you feel that you are in a world, a new one altogether, or perhaps a little too far from the reach of anyone, completely oblivious of the world you are currently in!

Do you see the sharpness alluring you, calling out to you to take it in your hands and see what wonders this shiny edge could do on your arms or that slender neck of yours? How beautiful would these streaks of random lines across your arm look as an army of red marches down like a parade,  a perfect emblem for eternity, or perhaps a temporary one. How majestic would the river be that flows through each single streak?

Do you feel the cold breeze brushing through your hair, that sweet comfort that you get after a tiring day walking around in the sun! Do you feel the adrenaline rushing through every cell of your body as you come closer to the edge and take a peek down at the blurry ground beneath! Do you feel the tinge of impulse charging through your legs, an emancipation of the fear filled with the last excitement as the wind ruffles the hair under your soft heavy breaths.

Do you taste the water as it slowly engulfs you in its embrace! Do you feel the shoulders being pushed down under your own weight! Do you feel the mind going through a million things at once and your legs battle, as do your hands. Do you see those tiny balls of air escaping from you and how much you want to stop that from happening, you unfortuanately are not in control.

Because peace is what we want and sometimes, there are just too little ways to finally be in peace!

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; The Chaos Theory

The walls screamed in their silence. The thoughts floated in the confinement, however deep they dragged in a bottomless sea. It is going to be okay, a few too many voices drowned in the silent loud screams. But among all the chaos that surrounded the empty thoughts, a silent tear gave it away. The emotions bundled so deep down, just overflowed in the tiniest speck of water. Hope! A fascinating eulogy that like an ink blot on a paper, spread with the tiniest touch of it. An emancipation of a thousand dreams or perhaps a bittersweet lie, like sand slipping through the hand. Because it is going to be alright. That is how the world works. Perhaps it does, for some while the other dwell in world apart with masked faces and acceptable attires. Because, we all want to be normal by getting society’s approval by how happy we look and how well we present ourselves. And Amid all the melodrama of a chaotic life, there is a line, a faintest line that either makes or breaks people.

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;

“I don’t understand why they did it?”
“They have a whole life in front of them. Then, why would they do that?”
“Don’t they think about their family?”
“What their family must be going through now?”
“It would so much painful for their loved ones, won’t it be?”
“Are they that stupid?”
“How coward can they be?”
“Tch, tch, tch”, they said feeling a little sad, for a moment though.

It’s hell. It’s a raging hell fire, a battle, a struggle to take that one step, every day. It is painful to breathe, more painful to be normal, because people demand to be normal, because being otherwise is very unnatural. And then you have to smile, smile away through (hiding) that pain, that huge burdening pain that you kept dragging behind you everywhere you went. It was perhaps the past that led to this burden, and why is it affecting the present, the future? A question that keeps haunting every waking moment. Perhaps, you finally decide to start everything afresh, everything will be different from now on, you said to yourself. You strive to make it different. You work on it, you try to give your best. But the heart is heavy with the weight, but you try to care less and fight through each string that pulls you down. Because you want to put it behind in the past and not let it affect the present and well, the future. You pretend as if everything is okay and normal and that there’s sunshine inside of you and a beautiful starry sky over your head.

But…

It was a beautiful sight. Those first rays of sunlight hitting your face, that warm embrace as it slowly rises to its glory of the morning. As the sunshine embraces you, you feel content, happy, from inside. You go to work, forgetting everything that has always pulled you down everyday, everything that stopped you from moving ahead, you move past that burden inside of you. You completely forget about everything as that cold drop of rain hits your skin. It was the first rain you felt in a very very long time. You relish every moment of it, wondering what you have missed all this while. You feel alive. It is an absolute bliss and you want to stay in this beautiful yet perfect symphony that life carefully threw at you, forever. You retire from your day under the starry skyline, as the stars twinkle in the glory of the night, a splendid sight, nonetheless, and you are sure you can tell endless stories under this dome of glittering diamonds. You finally sleep, relaxed and most importantly at peace. Sleeping never felt so relaxing.

You wake up all of a sudden as if the ground beneath you started shaking. You hope to see the beautiful sunshine from yesterday. You want to relive the previous day, each day! But, you don’t see it. There is just darkness, a familiar face you have been with for such a long long time. May be you woke up a little too early and hope that it is just a dream. But there is no sunshine whatsoever. You go to work hoping to see that glimmer of rain, that washed your past away, that washed your soul. You pray for it silently under your breath. But there isn’t any. And you retire to your home wondering to finally gaze into the endless stars and perhaps share your tiring day to the endless glittering friends far far away. But it is just dark in the sky. Not a single star. You don’t understand what is happening. You sleep, or at least try to. The whole day, the past just keeps flashing in front of you. You can’t sleep. You try to understand everything, but nothing makes sense. And in that moment when you thought you have left the past behind, comes haunting back. You try to shake it off, try your best to end that nightmare, wake up to that sunshine, dance under the rain, sing under the stars. You pray for it even though you have never been religious, but there is that familiar dark cloud over your head, that keeps following you, day and night.

You don’t understand why it keeps following you. You don’t understand why that one day it wasn’t there. Why was that day different? You don’t understand what is happening, because the past is a haunting reminder of the choices you made, which somehow decided your present and the future. You thought you could go past it, look past it, keep it locked up in the past and not look back again, ever, but it is you, your past, your memories. You want to escape this mess. You can’t listening to your horrid screams. You can’t deal with the fake smile everyday. You can’t stay bottled up all day long and write long essays on your feelings, everyday. You can’t find peace. Peace was a concept never in your mind. It has far gone and disappeared in the past. But then, how can you get past this? How can you be at peace? How can you just express? How can you finally really smile? How can you end all this mess once and for all?
The only way to end all this to end it all.

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P.S. : This post is inspired by my life, circumstances and #13ReasonsWhy. Inspired is a strong word. May be, come into picture.

A casual encounter.

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Disclaimer : Kindly advised not to proceed, if you are lesser than 18 in age. NSFR (Not Suitable For Reading, especially for kids)!

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(Continued from An Encounter ) …

They crashed on the couch while she offered him a glass of wine. A soft music played in the background and when the music in the background hit the right note, they looked at each other, into their eyes and it happened again, a spark in their eyes that called out to each other. They came a little close to each other, diving deep into each other’s eyes and they came close enough to breathe each other in.

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One thing led to another and they found themselves naked in her bedroom. The eyes still held each other, their breaths synchronized with each other. The eyes, their body did all the talking. He knew with the look in her eyes that she wanted this as much as he wanted. He went in slowly and as she moaned and closed her eyes in ecstasy, the voice, her voice gave him the goosebumps, which added to the euphoria he was already feeling. He paused for a second, trying to live in the moment and telling himself that this was really happening, that it wasn’t another dream he had been long dreaming and he needs to cherish every second, every moment of this. She opened her eyes and tried to search something in his eyes, may be the reason why he paused. But before she could ask she realized that she was also in the moment and they both were relishing it together. She had dreamed of this moment and it was nothing what she had ever imagined. And she found the answer in his eyes that he was feeling the same.

He saw her smile, the smile that acknowledged his thoughts, his feelings. And it excited him a little more. He went inside again, locking his eyes with her. Neither of them blinked. They were going on each other, their bodies grinding against each other, the moaning synchronized. He liker her very much, may be in a way it might seem that he even loved her.He had this idea of how delicately he would do it, how softly and diligently he would take her and cherish her like the queen that she was. But, in that moment that was out of the window. Oh, he sure wanted to cherish her, each and every inch of her, but nothing soft, nothing delicate, nothing diligently. He just wanted her, her everything and it matter where the passion lead them.

She was reciprocating his momentum, and neither of them realized how fast each other were going, the passion that they had for each other was reflected each thrust and each moan. He flipped her on the bed and he was on top of her. He held his breath as he breathed in her, her beauty that shined in the glimmering side table lights. He enjoyed looking at her. He was hungry for her, the passion that had been building up inside him was finally coming out, but he wanted for each second to count. They were still locked into each other, eyes and body. He slowly let himself out, still looking into her eyes. He bent over to kiss her. The passion flowed through the lips as their tongues battled for more. They forgot to breathe and in that moment that could care less. He bit her lips, soft as they may be, were a delight in disguise. He wasn’t getting enough of it, as much as he wanted. He continued kissing, and was even more happy to find her dwelling for the same. He released her lips for a moment to take a breath, and started kissing her neck, her ears, even biting them, then caressing them with his tongue. He slowly went down to her breasts. They were full and soft. He looked up at her, to find her staring down at him in full ecstasy, and dying of anticipation what he was going to do and hoping that he does what she has been thinking. He took her breasts in his hands and bit one of her nipple. She moaned in response. It was so soft, he felt guilty for biting it but her moan had the answer that she wanted more and he too. He then kissed them, sucked on them one after the other, changing left to right and then to left. It was such a delight to hold them, kiss them and most importantly feel them and see her enjoy as he did everything he desired to her.

He didn’t realize that time was moving, that the neighbors were shouting over something, that there was a party with loud music two floors above them. He just minded his party, the one he was very much enjoying, actually both of them were. He went further down, keeping on hand on the boob and the other searching for the vagina and while he trailed down the stomach kissing and licking every inch. And as he kissed her belly button, his hand had already reached her vagina. He started stroking it, feeling the little wetness after the small session they had a moment earlier, feeling its softness, while she moaned. She moaned more as he put one finger in and rubbed the clit with the other. He had one hand caressing her boob, the other in her vagina, and he looked up from her belly kissing, at her wanting eyes as she grabbed his hair hesitating but wanting him to go down further. He kept the eyes locked until his tongue reached the clit, that was when she closed her eyes feeling the softness over her tenderness. And he kissed and licked and dug his tongue inside her, enjoying each and every moment, her every corner and her watery juices that flowed down. She almost shouted when he took her clit into his mouth and rolled his tongue over and licked it endlessly. She held his hair trying to pull him out, the euphoric pleasure as she orgasmed.

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In that moment, he was too aroused to let the moment slip away. He let himself in as she trembled under this breath, slow and deep, relishing every moment as it slipped in, her insides grasping him, in its tightness in a warm embrace. He couldn’t even begin to describe the feeling that he was going through and neither could she. Him and her both, were in a completely new world, lost in the hazy fog, drifting over the soft clouds, transpiring from one emotion to another, all of which were a complete mystery to them both, yet they didn’t want to feel anything lesser. They exchanged their positions where she was on top of him and he looked at her in complete admiration while she rode him. There wasn’t a moment that they looked away from each other. They enjoyed each other eyes, the dilated pupils told a much deeper admiration for one another and radiated the passion in their movements. They didn’t get enough of each other. He cupped her breasts as they gave the ecstatic pleasure to each other looking deep into each other’s eyes. They could go on and on for hours, perhaps days even. He had come close a couple too many times since the beginning of their intimacy session.  And it could explode any moment now.

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That was when he pulled her back. He was almost at the brim, he knew it, she knew it. He stopped her because he didn’t want it to end so soon. He pulled her up into his embrace. She sat on his face, wrapping him. Their bodies exchanging the warmth, his mouth under her, the honey juices flowing down as he dug deep into her with his tongue, as he smelled her sweet honey. He rolled, licked, sucked and kissed and took in deep her. She had lost count of the times she had orgamsed that night. And he didn’t stop when she shivered under the high of her hundredth orgasm. His hands around her thighs held her grounded on his face as he continued to kiss her wet and tender pussy. She wanted him to leave her, she didn’t want him to let her go, he was in a complete euphoria in the moment. As he slowed down, and let his grasp loosen a bit, she slid down and sat on his hardness. It was her time to take what she wanted. She went in deep, the deepest she could, pulled herself out and went in all the way with all the force she could. It was a pleasant surprise for him as he wasn’t expecting this fast encounter. She continued to do that until she got comfortable and then as she settled nice and deep, she started rocking back and forth with everything she got. He was feeling everything, everything that he couldn’t even begin to describe. He bit hard onto the his tie as he felt every pulse of his resonate with her, every heart beat match with her, every thrust sending him to space and pulling him back. He held her my her waist and he was at his brim, a second away from explosion. He wanted to pull her out, but he knew that there wasn’t much time nor did he wanted to,  and nor did she. He almost let out a shout as he released into her, arching on his back with every wave. But she was nowhere near stopping. She continued to ride  him, continued to resonated with his waves, even after he had emptied everything, every last drop he could, but she planned to continue until she had her fair share of orgasm. He wanted her to stop after that enormous wave and explosion, but there was nothing much in his hands. She was in control, she was in complete control of what was to happen, when he is really finished. A minute or two later, he felt his hardness being grasped harder as a trembling wave swept across him. She had her orgasm and she fell on him, him still inside of her, while she slowly rocked even after that huge tiring pleasurable workout. They didn’t seem to get enough of each other, after all this while, after hours of being inside each other.

They lay on the bed wrapped in the sweet sweat of their hard work, their passion resonating in each sweat drop, their love electrifying with each touch. He kissed her, as they hugged each other in harmony while the soft music filled the former echoes of their intimacy. He looked at her as the soft light delicately kissed her. She was as beautiful as ever, tired, exhausted and too worked up, but beautiful all the same. He could keep looking at her all night, all day. She was the perfect in how their thoughts matched, how their eyes talked to each other, how the bodies moved under each other’s breath and how badly they wanted each other. She was just too perfect. Similar thoughts were going through her mind as well, how good he looked under her shadow and how he liked talking to her, the joy in his eyes shining bright every time he looked at her. She settled herself by placing her head on his chest over her interlocked hands and stared at him, and he stared at her, both admiring each other. Neither of them moved for a moment. It was just a fraction of moment, after which she felt something move under her belly and she knew the second round was about to start any moment now.

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P.S. This is the beginning of many more such (erotic) posts (I hope). If you feel that this could be better, I completely agree with you. Because all of this is out of my imagination and not from experience. I hope you got what I am trying to say : No experience at this whatsoever, and I don’t mean writing. So, do tell, if there is something crucial that I might be missing, that is essential to spice up or perhaps to tone down. And I tell you, no amount of porn watching helps in writing erotic fiction. Nope. Not one bit. Well, do pour out your thoughts, if you happen to read such lengthy not-so-erotic post.

An encounter.

A millisecond of an encounter, a million thoughts exchanged. 

They met at the coffee shop. Perhaps, it was the fate at play or probably its just a coincidence. There was a mix up in their orders and he got hers, she his. That’s how they met for the first time, second time the very same day, when the came face to face to exchange their order. Him being a coffee enthusiast, or in other words a caffeine addict came to have his daily dose of coffee and took the only remaining seat under the roof. It was probably the rush hour or perhaps the people found this to be an ideal place to talk their business. Or perhaps the people ‘hopelessly’ in love have found this place for their usual business of enclosed public display of affection. The music was blaring in his ears when a shadow appeared in front of his eyes and he knew what they wanted to ask so he said “Sure” just as the shadow began to ask a question and as the shadow took it’s place, he got a glimpse, a split second of the shadow in his absent mind. He pretended to be normal but there is a sudden commotion within him, something surreal, something that he had never felt before. His heartbeat was faster, his mind started racing with million thoughts and he wanted to be as cool and calm as possible. May be it was her eyes, may be it was her in complete adoration.

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She looked across the room filled with voices, soft yet loud, as it felt like it was a very happening place. Perhaps, it is the busy hour, she thought to herself. She scanned the whole place but she couldn’t find a single seat except the one in the far corner. She was finally relieved to find a place all to herself where she could indulge in some lone time after the mess of a day that she had had. She just wanted to drown herself in coffee and a book, and leave the day behind. As she was going to grab that corner place while a multitude of thoughts that overflowed her, they stopped in mid way when she saw a guy listening to the music in his phone, settling himself in the seat. She was about to turn around but thought of giving it a shot if he was alone by any chance, she could still drown herself in the book, because then it wouldn’t matter even if anyone was in front of her or a mile away from her. But as she reached the table and was about to ask the question about the seat, “Sure” came the reply as the person in the chair already anticipated what she had wanted without even looking at her. Perhaps there was something really important on his phone that compelled him to be so fixated on his phone. But as she took her seat, she saw his eyes in a tiny glimpse, a millisecond of an encounter, a million thoughts exchanged.

It was that moment when the world went into a silent blur and the voices started fading away in the background. A moment frozen in time that neither of them wanted to come out of, but a distance voice kept calling their names which involuntarily brought them back to reality. Their orders were ready and since he heard his name first, he went ahead to get his while trying to play as cool and normal as possible. But perhaps, he was too indulged in the surreal world that he stumbled as he walked towards the counter. She followed him as her name was next on the list. He didn’t pay much attention to what he was carrying back, neither did she, but as they sat back in their seats, they realized that their orders might not have been theirs.

For a second they waited a moment for either of them to say a word. If they had waited another second, they would have continued to have each others drinks without informing either one about the mismatch, which didn’t seem like such a bad idea either, thanks to the great aroma that it was radiating, but they spoke almost at the same time. And then they paused for the other to continue, but each of them waited for the other to say something. When neither of them said anything, they both smiled and as they exchanged their trays. His heart melted a little, her smile got to him, he didn’t even realize the loud music that played in his ears through his ear phones, and she was no indifferent, she forgot about the book she wanted to read. All she wanted to read now was him, know about him and may be talk a little more with him. But their silent occasional glances did all the talking, in it’s own language. It was as if they knew each other for a long time by how their eyes interacted. They sat across each other and though they were silent for a long time, yet continued talking with their eyes. But eventually, they talked after introducing themselves to each other. It was a weird feeling for both of them. They were complete strangers to begin with and yet somehow they were completely comfortable talking to each other. Before they realized, time flew by, the moon was at its peak and the coffee shop was about to be closed. That was when they were forced to retire for the day but neither of them wanted to. She didn’t once worry about the dreaded day that had passed and he had the best night of his life in such a long time. There was something unique about each other that attracted one another on a level that they failed to comprehend. And yet they were a little shy talking, considering they were complete strangers and they were scared to ruin a good thing by saying something that the other wouldn’t like. That level of understand is yet to be reached between them. By the time they had exited the coffee shop, he knew that both of them had to go separate ways since they stayed on opposite side of the city, so he asked if she wanted to walk for a bit and since it was pretty late, he promised to drop her home.

He had his fingers crossed behind him hoping that she would answer in his favor and to his surprise, she did. They had walked around for a bit longer than they had hoped to and they were in the backseat of the cab where he was doing as he had promised to drop her home even though she insisted that she could go on her own, which was a lie. Yes, she could go but she would have preferred not to, especially if it was him accompanying her. They reached her home and made their way to her house. He had informed the cab driver to wait and keep the meter on as he didn’t know what would happen in the next few minutes- whether he would stay over or have to return back to his home to one sleepless night(s). And as they reached the door, a million thoughts flooded his mind and so did hers. He didn’t know what to say and what to do. She was flustered already that he was at her doorstep and she wanted him in her house, sit by the fire and talk the night away, but didn’t know how to ask him. Meanwhile, before he was about to bid farewell, he opened his arms saying that he had the best night in a very long time and that she was a very special person. As they hugged, their bodies talked to each other in that warm embrace, a spark went inside each other’s heart and before she could process what was happening inside her, she kissed on his cheek and invited him inside. He ran back to the cab and paid the fare and came back into her house.

They crashed in the couch as she offered him a glass of wine. A soft music played in the background. All this was done by her while he ran back to the cab to pay the fare. And when the music in the background hit the right note, they looked at each other, into their eyes and it happened again, a spark in their eyes that called out to each other. They came a little close to each other, diving deep into each other’s eyes and they came close enough to breathe each other in.

_________

To be continued …
(Or should it be stopped here?
If you’re reading this, drop in your opinions what could happen, in your opinion. )

 

Flawed.

How important is love? How important is loving a person? And how much more important is loving a person who loves you unconditionally, without any expectations. Wait, a few expectations, scratch that a little too much expectations, but still loves unconditionally.

How flawed I must be to not resonate the same love? How lost I must be to not acknowledge the depth of the concern showered all over me ? How broken I must be to not understand the gravity of the emotion shared?

They said, it’s pure. They said, it’s ethereal. They said, it’s unconditionally out of the world. And yet I failed to even scratch even the surface. As far as I could remember, I have tried to maintain my distance. The text messages that kept coming like a daily ritual, only to be answered with a big sigh once a day, that too after a consistent array of messages overflowing the inbox of concern. I failed to understand. Or that time when the phone rang and I sighed a little and let the ring die out, a couple too many times. And then when left with no other choice, tried to keep the conversation to a bare minimum by using just one word answers. Or those white lies, I kept telling to put the phone down to text someone I didn’t even know or be done with the call. I failed to understand. And when I was called to be at home for holidays, how I kept evading, every time. “Why aren’t you going home for holidays“, when asked by people around me, I cooked up an ever  so brilliant story such as how my parents weren’t at home or were busy with something or whatever hit my mind at that time.

Under the cacophony of multitudes, I never even tried to understand, to be fair. With each thought that passes by, it makes me realize that there is something hauntingly broken inside of me that fails to process the emotions, the purest that there is, the feelings which should have come naturally, and yet they are nowhere to be felt. And all along, all my attempts to be a part of the crowd, to not be so messed up, in the inside, I smiled at the pleasant stories they told, got angry at the insensitivity, because anything otherwise is an abomination of human existence. And in an attempt to be normal, I wished her “Happy Mother’s Day” over a text.

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