How important is love? How important is loving a person? And how much more important is loving a person who loves you unconditionally, without any expectations. Wait, a few expectations, scratch that a little too much expectations, but still loves unconditionally.
How flawed I must be to not resonate the same love? How lost I must be to not acknowledge the depth of the concern showered all over me ? How broken I must be to not understand the gravity of the emotion shared?
They said, it’s pure. They said, it’s ethereal. They said, it’s unconditionally out of the world. And yet I failed to even scratch even the surface. As far as I could remember, I have tried to maintain my distance. The text messages that kept coming like a daily ritual, only to be answered with a big sigh once a day, that too after a consistent array of messages overflowing the inbox of concern. I failed to understand. Or that time when the phone rang and I sighed a little and let the ring die out, a couple too many times. And then when left with no other choice, tried to keep the conversation to a bare minimum by using just one word answers. Or those white lies, I kept telling to put the phone down to text someone I didn’t even know or be done with the call. I failed to understand. And when I was called to be at home for holidays, how I kept evading, every time. “Why aren’t you going home for holidays“, when asked by people around me, I cooked up an ever so brilliant story such as how my parents weren’t at home or were busy with something or whatever hit my mind at that time.
Under the cacophony of multitudes, I never even tried to understand, to be fair. With each thought that passes by, it makes me realize that there is something hauntingly broken inside of me that fails to process the emotions, the purest that there is, the feelings which should have come naturally, and yet they are nowhere to be felt. And all along, all my attempts to be a part of the crowd, to not be so messed up, in the inside, I smiled at the pleasant stories they told, got angry at the insensitivity, because anything otherwise is an abomination of human existence. And in an attempt to be normal, I wished her “Happy Mother’s Day” over a text.