We have a coin in our hand and we have 4 choices. No, don’t laugh at the numbers. That is how it is. We toss the coin taking two of the four options at a time and eliminating one. Yes, it is a very tedious process, yet we do it. No, not because we have a lot of time. But because we aren’t sure what we want. It’s like selecting an answer for the multiple choice question. You have to chose only one and you don’t know the answer, so what do you chose? You try all the nursery rhymes or go by elimination by odd looking one. And you pick one. So, you end up picking an option with a probability of one in four chances, it could be right.
My choices were pretty simple. a. No b. No c. No d. No. And I chose Yes. I mean how did that even come into picture, right? It’s like the question where people makes jokes about saying, if the bullet is traveling at the speed of light and of the target is at a distance of 10 km, what is the color of the shoe that the shooter is wearing? Was this example lame? I know right! So is my situation. My circumstances were totally different and all I had to say was No. And guess what I ended up saying ?
All this hastiness from my side led me into a pit of trouble. And I am not so sure how to climb myself out of it. The pit is pretty deep and I don’t even have the resources to get out of it. (If I may interject, I am explaining the situation in metaphorically speaking). And it is from tomorrow. The whole weekend I have been thinking why couldn’t I just say No. I was in the similar situation last year (present month minus two months). All I had to say was No. But as you might have guessed I chose the opposite. For the next three months I struggled like anything to get out of that pit. But I did get out eventually since I had a few resources at my disposal. But this time, the pit is deeper and with no resources, I don’t think I could see the light of the day. I had opened this tab a million times whether to write this or not, whether I will jinx this or not. No, I am not superstitious, but lately nothing has been happening according to what I have planned or wanted to happen. So, I feel like I am drowning in the quicksand, made my me.
Whenever someone feels low and needs inspiration, I am there to give it to them, even if the odd seems to be in huge number. For the past three – four days, I tried to calm myself down / soothe / distract / inject some positivity / whatnot. Each second I am nearing it, the more the mind is getting crazy. I thought may be writing about this might help. But I am still not feeling the positive vibe. Looks like, I am sinking.in.the.quicksand.faster.suffocating.yet.alive.each.second.each.moment.
God help me! Oh snap, he ain’t on my side no more. Yet, God help me please, if you ever chose to listen.