The Reason.

I hide beneath a face, why? What am I scared of? What am I running away from? What is that pulls me in to this unreal reality? Questions! Questions everywhere and answers, yet unfathomable. Why? Did I do something wrong? Did I take a wrong turn? Why do you hide, why do you have to hide? Who are you? What are you?

When I started a blog a couple of years ago, I wasn’t sure what it was and what it would lead to, so I just started socializing and blog hopping and then fast forward 6 years, I still have no idea what I am doing. But I did learn a lot of things, met a lot of people. The post that we write play a very important role in everything. So, if we are conscious about the target audience, we will tailor cut the content, make it presentable and “socially” acceptable for the people, because come on who likes the bitterness of people and their arrogant curses. So, for 6 long years I had been writing and tailor cutting the content. And then one day I saw my diary, the one I have been using it as an idea generator, a companion for writing stories and anything and everything. I was surprised when the book was almost getting over and I haven’t published even a single one from it. I realized that most of what I have written can’t be posted as it is. I had to scratch a lot of it and replace the words and make it a sort of “PG” rated, which doesn’t raise brows and pointed fingers. Looking at that I realized that I wasnt expressing exactly what I wanted to say. I’m writing keeping in mind what others will think about it and streamlining the content accordingly. But there is a voice inside my head which screams otherwise. The voice which we all have been avoiding, because sometimes it’s not what we want, what we think, what we feel is not right. Isn’t this what we call wearing a mask ? 

When I was in college, I wrote a post about a group of guys who were organizing a farewell party and taking huge money for the same. First of all that much money wasn’t needed for whatever they had planned for the so called party, but if we include the “After party” yes, it is fine. But no such information was passed onto us. So, most of the people I knew weren’t happy. And I wrote precisely about that. Now, mind you, I did publicize about my blog everywhere, because lets call myself attention crazy, but no one, let me repeat NO ONE ever visited my blog. But as soon as I post this, the next day after class, I was surrounded by a bunch of guys and was finger pointed at. I was almost at the verge of getting beaten up, or that’s what it looked like. They didn’t seem to reason with me and eventually, I had to retract the blog post, well because there was no point arguing over it. I don’t know why I did that, but I had to.

This one time I was searching for the meaning of love and how it felt like and was gathering information from the people who were in love or were. There was this one super crazy story which blew my mind. I had to write it as a post and ofcourse I hid the names and wrote it in the most generalized way possible, yet the person in question got the wind of it. It doesn’t look so well once it is out and the people know about it. Sometimes it’s the friends who are no longer friends, or sometimes they dig up a very old post which concerns them and that leaves a bitter taste. Trust me, I have been there. There are fucking stupid people out there who are just stupid and we have to act nicely to them but can’t do much about that. We just have to keep it inside and may be vent out a few ugly curses on the paper to be crumbled later. And then there’s me, the things that I hide from people, because for the world I’m the most decent – generous – kind guy and a good writer. But I’m not. I suck at writing. I am very bad at English. And the internet these days us just spoiling my little known English.

So I started being an anonymous and believe me, I have tried a million names before I could end up with this stupid one – Midnight Shadow. You have been wondering what kind of stupid name this is. I apologize for the thoughts you had to have when you saw the name. I have been a fan of Dexter tv series and he calls the voice inside his head “The Dark Passenger”. Like I said earlier that the voice inside my head becomes voiceless because of the people and everything around us, I wanted to give that voice a voice. I decided to be honest, brutal and truthful. No matter what the consequences, I thought of letting out my inner demons and fight the unsung battle.

But then the people here have been so sweet and generous and kind and very nice, I had to retract a few posts about myself because I didn’t want to mess up the good guy image that I had been creating for myself. I forgot about the voice and started being normal, tailor cutting the stuff. And the voice slowly became voiceless. So, I apologize in advance and would advise you be awry of the posts which might not be as pleasing as they are supposed to be. And thanks for your time.

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26 thoughts on “The Reason.

  1. Do not ever write for others or censor yourself for fear of what others might think or say. People who love to read will appreciate the rawness and honesty of writing that comes from the heart, even if they do not agree with every word you say. I think you write very nicely indeed – keep it up!

    Liked by 5 people

  2. That’s a heavy post, with so much to mull over, which I often do..

    One such previous musing seems to be an apt reply to you from me.. Here’s the link.. http://wp.me/p4cX5E-1r

    In short, my view,
    Get trapped in a mask,
    To release the words of your heart..

    Hope you already realised that,
    You are blown away with the freedom,
    Stabilised by the steady support of honest feedback and encouraging words..

    Remember that, a flock crosses continents, with the support of each and every bird of the flock…
    And the travel is easier with the wind beneath the wings.. 🙂

    Happy blogging.. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. We always have that, a face to show to other people, a face at home, a face for our own self. We are indeed faceless people, we never even have the guts to face ourselves. We have to constantly convince ourselves that we are “something like that”, then we try to fit into a conception, label ourselves. What’s the point, because we come out if in a matter of days!
    Never be afraid to say what’s in your mind, but also be prepared to fend off opposition. If we stifle ourselves, our voice will never be heard, and there are enough people out there to stifle without us having to put any effort.
    Nice quote, nice post. Keep writing 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

      • I hope you don’t have to eat or stop yourself from saying anything now. We sometimes do that keeping in mind the people who would be reading and don’t want to a steady image that we had been carrying with us for so long. But nevertheless, openness is a good things and that’s for open minded people. We cant help the judgemental eyes, can we ?

        You too are a good friend, man. Thanks 🙂

        Like

      • Nowadays I don’t care as much. I’ll be judge regardless of what I do and I can’t help it. At least now I’ll be judged for what I truly believe in rather than some imagined thing.

        I told you following your blog would be inspirational! 😁

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Initially when I had started out I wrote something silly about how my brain was advising me against a boy and all my eyes could do was stare at his hands and wonder how amazing our child would look in those hands. It was a JOKE but I had to endure the next few months when he would accidentally flex his arms infront of me because he got the wind of it. It was so embarrassing! Since then I almost never talk about my blog to anyone save some close friends and that’s made the world of a difference. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh. Nooo.
      I don’t want to talk about my blog, but then we write something amazing and want people to pick up our point of view on a said matter. But when no one reads, it’s a little disheartening. So, I used to and still publicize. But then again there are restrictions keeping in mind the target audience.
      I have seen successful blogs being anonymous.

      I should perhaps follow your idea.

      Thanks for dropping by and your time. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Same feels. Before I publish my written draft, there will always be a slight pause prior to clicking. Then, I’ll take a deep breath and give myself an imaginary pat-on-the-back and a little “It’s okay, you know.” self-encouragement. After that, I’ll click publish button. There you go.

    Sometimes, you ask yourself “Why am I writing?” The answer is simple, “because It’s what I want to do.” It is not what others want you to do, so why hesitate? If it would satisfy you, why hesitate? To be liked and loved by people in the blogosphere is a bonus but to be content and satisfied and self-fulfilled is a different story.

    Keep writing and fighting! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Oh my!This is brutally honest.*wide eyes*
    I decided the name of my blog on a whim,actually. But I realised how much it suited me and my situation over the last few months. And I couldn’t be happier with the choice, to be honest.
    Midnight shadow seems mysterious. And since I love mysteries so much, I kinda like it. As I know many others do,too.:D
    Anyway,write whatever you want, yeah?What’s the harm,afterall?What are blogs for?*raises an expectant brow*

    Annnd,I am being dramatic again.-.-
    I should go. Tadaa.
    I need to check your other posts,too. *Grins*

    Liked by 1 person

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