I hide beneath a face, why? What am I scared of? What am I running away from? What is that pulls me in to this unreal reality? Questions! Questions everywhere and answers, yet unfathomable. Why? Did I do something wrong? Did I take a wrong turn? Why do you hide, why do you have to hide? Who are you? What are you?
When I started a blog a couple of years ago, I wasn’t sure what it was and what it would lead to, so I just started socializing and blog hopping and then fast forward 6 years, I still have no idea what I am doing. But I did learn a lot of things, met a lot of people. The post that we write play a very important role in everything. So, if we are conscious about the target audience, we will tailor cut the content, make it presentable and “socially” acceptable for the people, because come on who likes the bitterness of people and their arrogant curses. So, for 6 long years I had been writing and tailor cutting the content. And then one day I saw my diary, the one I have been using it as an idea generator, a companion for writing stories and anything and everything. I was surprised when the book was almost getting over and I haven’t published even a single one from it. I realized that most of what I have written can’t be posted as it is. I had to scratch a lot of it and replace the words and make it a sort of “PG” rated, which doesn’t raise brows and pointed fingers. Looking at that I realized that I wasnt expressing exactly what I wanted to say. I’m writing keeping in mind what others will think about it and streamlining the content accordingly. But there is a voice inside my head which screams otherwise. The voice which we all have been avoiding, because sometimes it’s not what we want, what we think, what we feel is not right. Isn’t this what we call wearing a mask ?
When I was in college, I wrote a post about a group of guys who were organizing a farewell party and taking huge money for the same. First of all that much money wasn’t needed for whatever they had planned for the so called party, but if we include the “After party” yes, it is fine. But no such information was passed onto us. So, most of the people I knew weren’t happy. And I wrote precisely about that. Now, mind you, I did publicize about my blog everywhere, because lets call myself attention crazy, but no one, let me repeat NO ONE ever visited my blog. But as soon as I post this, the next day after class, I was surrounded by a bunch of guys and was finger pointed at. I was almost at the verge of getting beaten up, or that’s what it looked like. They didn’t seem to reason with me and eventually, I had to retract the blog post, well because there was no point arguing over it. I don’t know why I did that, but I had to.
This one time I was searching for the meaning of love and how it felt like and was gathering information from the people who were in love or were. There was this one super crazy story which blew my mind. I had to write it as a post and ofcourse I hid the names and wrote it in the most generalized way possible, yet the person in question got the wind of it. It doesn’t look so well once it is out and the people know about it. Sometimes it’s the friends who are no longer friends, or sometimes they dig up a very old post which concerns them and that leaves a bitter taste. Trust me, I have been there. There are fucking stupid people out there who are just stupid and we have to act nicely to them but can’t do much about that. We just have to keep it inside and may be vent out a few ugly curses on the paper to be crumbled later. And then there’s me, the things that I hide from people, because for the world I’m the most decent – generous – kind guy and a good writer. But I’m not. I suck at writing. I am very bad at English. And the internet these days us just spoiling my little known English.
So I started being an anonymous and believe me, I have tried a million names before I could end up with this stupid one – Midnight Shadow. You have been wondering what kind of stupid name this is. I apologize for the thoughts you had to have when you saw the name. I have been a fan of Dexter tv series and he calls the voice inside his head “The Dark Passenger”. Like I said earlier that the voice inside my head becomes voiceless because of the people and everything around us, I wanted to give that voice a voice. I decided to be honest, brutal and truthful. No matter what the consequences, I thought of letting out my inner demons and fight the unsung battle.
But then the people here have been so sweet and generous and kind and very nice, I had to retract a few posts about myself because I didn’t want to mess up the good guy image that I had been creating for myself. I forgot about the voice and started being normal, tailor cutting the stuff. And the voice slowly became voiceless. So, I apologize in advance and would advise you be awry of the posts which might not be as pleasing as they are supposed to be. And thanks for your time.